Matthew 7:1 – Addressing the Elephant
I’m going to address the elephant in the room.. you know, the thing that everyone, especially at institutions of higher learning, talks about until it dies down… SEXUAL ASSAULT.
You never know what someone’s going through until they finally get the courage to speak up. Sometimes it’s right away, weeks, months, years later… or even never.
Before I continue, I want you all to ask yourselves these two questions:
- How often do you judge others?
- When you do, do you ever put yourself in their shoes?
According to Probability Statistics Calculated By the Rape Abuse and Incest National Network,
“Due partially to low reporting rates, only 9 percent of all rapists get prosecuted. Only 5 percent of cases lead to a felony conviction. Only 3 percent of rapists will spend a day in prison. The other 97 percent walk free.“
Let that statistic marinate. I am here to say that students are a huge part of the problem, I was a part of the problem. We all are guilty of judging people, and I think I know why. Because, not in a million years could it happen to you, right…? Stay humble and thankful.
Although some victims speak out, I CAN GUARANTEE that there’s still A VAST AMOUNT of those, who haven’t. Because, they’re scared that someone’s gonna say, “Oh, she was a hoe anyway,” or “She deserved that shit,” or even, “What did she have on?” IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYBODY. It’s SICK AS HELL, to think that just because she’s drunk or high, it means that you can just treat her like a rag doll. IT DOES NOT MATTER. I SERIOUSLY have to ask: Y’all know that sex has to be CONSENSUAL FOR IT TO BE OKAY, right?!! If you don’t know, now you know! Just because she’s looking real edible, and MY HAMPTON WOMEN KNOW HOW TO LOOK GOOD, you gave her liq or weed, doesn’t mean shit, because you aren’t entitled to shit!!
I’ve heard too many stories and read too many blogs about young women being taken advantage of, and I feel remorseful. I’m ashamed of reading/hearing about it and not utilizing my voice. The courage to be outspoken is something not many possess. But, recently, in the wee hours of the morning, my life changed. Someone close to me told me something that left me in disbelief. She’d been assaulted not once, but TWICE, while enrolled as a student on Hampton University’s campus. What confused me the most was HOW this happened right under my nose. Someone who appeared so strong… held this in for so long. WOW.
To everyone else, after a week or two of hearing about the incident and it dies down…it’s as if it never happened. But, to the person it actually happened to, it’s like a broken record…uncontrollably on rewind. They are stuck with that feeling, forever. I can admit that I never paid much attention to hearing about sexual assault cases until it hit close to home. And, many of you reading this probably won’t feel anything, UNTIL, you’re in my shoes. But, let me just say… It’s not too late to raise awareness, remember it can begin with YOU. (CLICK here, to learn how)
Storytime: CAN YOU SEE the SIGNS?
Truth be told. I did, But I hadn’t paid much attention.
- It seemed normal of her.
- I was selfish.
I was a social butterfly in school. I had four really good friends and tons of associates. I’m writing this blog on behalf of one of my really good friends. I love you!
We all have that one (or more) friend(s) who’s there to listen to you vent, wipe your tears, and provide the best advice. They’re patient, understanding, wise, and comforting. ALWAYS there… the person you call when your life turns to shambles. Your ROCK. Your Blessing.
Now, let me ask you this… is this energy they pour into you, reciprocated? If yes, you’re a gem, if not… listen to my story.
My really good friend needed me and I ignored her signs. I brushed them off and sought new people to hang with. Why? I guess I didn’t want to deal with it. “You actin’ funny? Cool, I’ll just talk to you later.” That was my go-to line. I LOVED A “I’ll just hit you later.” Little did I know, it was all there, just hard for her to form words to explain. I certainly felt the vibe and noticed some things were off, so I’d ask the infamous line, “You good?” or ” What’s wrong?” … I’d get a mellow “Nothing,” and leave it at that. If your friend is in a bad mood 85% of the time, “Nothing,” being wrong is a lie… they may not be ready to talk, but still, assure them that you’ll always be there. Keep an eye on them. That was my mistake. I just found other people to kick it with. And, when I did find new people to hang with, I barely included her. Granted, she found other friends, too. But, something was still off. Two peas in a pod, now separated.
Other friend: “Why she acting like that, what’s her issue?”
Me: “Oh, don’t worry about her, she’s good. That’s just how she is.“
But the fact of the matter is, she wasn’t good. That’s NOT just how she is. She was hurting, and she put on a hell of a front. I didn’t know… I mean, I knew she wasn’t good, but- as a friend, I should’ve done more.
TWO RED FLAGS I IGNORED, that YOU SHOULDN’T.
- Unhappy majority of the time – Please, don’t do what I did. Don’t push them away, or automatically assume they don’t want to be bothered with… THEY MAY ACTUALLY NEED YOU.
- Talks about transferring without valid reasoning – If they’re always talking about how much they hate the school or wish they could leave and when you ask why it’s not a valid answer (i.e: Because it’s wack)… It very much could be that they just don’t like the school… but, I don’t know. Personally, I think you shouldn’t brush it under the rug… console them, maybe they’ll confide in you, sooner.
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:
If you know that your friend has done something, and YOU choose not to do anything about it, to “protect,” them… YOU ARE JUST AS WRONG.
You chose/choose to keep your mouth closed, and not confront them or help them right their wrongs (FOR EXAMPLE, SEEK HELP!!!) … YOU ARE SO FREAKING WRONG!!!
Your friend BRAGS to you about assaulting someone, and you don’t report it!? I shouldn’t even have to say it… your conscious should be clear.
TO MY VICTIMS:
You are not alone. Understand that what happened to you is not your fault by any means. If you are uncomfortable, it isn’t okay. It WASN’T JUST SEX, you were robbed of your dignity.
Being assaulted can change your way of thinking if you don’t talk about it. You probably won’t even realize it because you’re forcing yourself to accept that “it is what it is.” But, it’s not.
You may feel down, but don’t EVER think less of yourself, or that things can’t/won’t get better, they WILL. Don’t let that negativity control your life, you can regain control of your life again. Don’t find a distraction, allow yourself to heal. Don’t think that getting into a relationship will erase the memory, it won’t. This could lead you to the darkest place, and cause you not to care about your well being. Seek help, speak out (when ready) and always remember to still love yourself.
And lastly, UNDERSTAND that:
